TESTIMONIALS. Debt, shame, emotional dependence… Victims of online romance scams recount the trap they fell into.

"If my friends knew, they'd say I was crazy," Madeleine* whispers, her voice trembling. At 65, she bears the silent weight of a romantic scam from which she is struggling to recover: more than 240,000 euros gone, fifteen years of credit on her back, the shame of having believed it and the persistent hope, despite everything, that one day, the man she believes she has loved for nearly eight years will knock on her door. This character, invented from scratch, is a "grazer": a con artist who traps his victims via the internet, often on social networks.

Many French people fall victim to these romance scams every year. Contacted by franceinfo, the National Police Directorate General reported "around 3,400 reports" validated in 2024, including 3,300 for losses of less than €50,000. The number of complaints filed is "stable or even slightly increasing" , but the police specify that this figure "does not include a very significant number of victims who do not dare to file a complaint (...) out of shame or because they are still in denial" .

Behind the rare high-profile cases, such as that of Anne, convinced she was having sex with Brad Pitt and relieved of 830,000 euros, or Marie-José , who left to join "a scammer" in Ivory Coast in June, lie thousands of one-sided love stories , consumed by lies and buried under debt.

In Madeleine's case, it was a simple message on Facebook that set everything off in September 2017. An invitation from a certain "Marc", who claims to have been born in Caen, to run a spare parts shop in Thionville and to have two children. She still lives with her husband, a man who "almost never speaks to her" . In contrast to this "dead marriage" , the exchanges with Marc are deep and full of tenderness. Very quickly, she can no longer do without him. "He told me that we would go walking in the forest hand in hand, that I would teach his daughter to cook while he did some DIY, that we would go to Disneyland" , Madeleine recounts nostalgically.

“We talked every night, from 9:30 p.m. until 2 a.m., sometimes later.”

Madeleine*, 65 years old, victim of a scammer

to franceinfo

A month later, on the eve of their first meeting, Marc announced an unexpected departure for the Ivory Coast. A trip lasting a few days to settle a family inheritance, from which he would never return. Instead, requests for money arose, ever more pressing. For paperwork, a notary, an emergency operation, nanny fees, the children's gifts... Madeleine paid. Once. Twice. Ten times. Until she lost more than 200,000 euros, according to her calculations. "I had to consolidate my debts, I took out fifteen years' worth of debt... I feel guilty about what I did, but I was so sure we were going to get somewhere..." sighs the retired secretary, who claims to earn 2,000 euros a month.

Even today, a year after her husband's death from widespread cancer—an ordeal that "opened her eyes" —the sixty-year-old continues to receive messages from this alleged Marc. She blocked him on several social media sites, but he always finds a way to get back in touch with her, she laments.

Claude, 57, also thought he had found a connection that would give meaning to his life. For several years, he has been immersed in solitude: no family, no children, no entourage. "It's absolute nothingness around me, I have no loved ones." It was in this context that he signed up, in 2023, on a dating site, where he began a conversation with "Béatrice," who introduced herself as living in Ghana. A soft voice, tender words, beautiful photos, and this detail, which made him lower his guard: "At first, she said something I really liked: 'Be careful on this site, there may be scams,' " he says, with a bitter laugh.

After intimate exchanges and a few daring photos, an initial transfer of 150 euros is sent for Christmas. Then, the financial transactions multiply: marriage plans, documents to provide, a fictitious lawyer to pay, plane tickets... After a year, the deception descends into the absurd: a message informs him that Béatrice has been arrested at Brussels airport, in possession of gold bars. A deposit is required. This time, he decides to verify the information directly with Belgian customs. Claude then realizes that Béatrice doesn't exist.

“It’s like a big punch in the face at that moment.”

Claude*, 57 years old, victim of a scammer

to franceinfo

The fake documents, the gross inconsistencies, the constant impossibility of a video call... Everything becomes clear. "I say to myself: you're really an idiot, you've been had like a novice." Claude understands that he has lost more than 10,000 euros. He files a complaint in December 2024 on the Thésée platform and with the Ghanaian police. So far, he has received no response. The silence of the administration, mirroring that of Béatrice, further isolates him. "I won't get that money back, I had saved it to get married, for the day when it would be the right one," he says, disillusioned.

Online scammers know how to create desirable futures, luring their prey with false promises. For Marlène Dulaurans, a lecturer in cybercriminology, these scams thrive on a desire for sharing and affection. What the scammers are selling is "an extraordinarily well-constructed narrative" that is "very reassuring" for vulnerable people. This narrative resonates particularly well with older generations, who are often unfamiliar with digital technologies.

“We opened Pandora's box for them, we encouraged them to go there, and now that there are abuses, they have no instructions on how to protect themselves!”

Marlène Dulaurans, lecturer in cybercriminology

to franceinfo

A trap into which Fanny's* father, the ideal victim, fell: widowed, isolated, disoriented by the internet. "After my mother's death in 2018, he discovered this world and he plunged," sighs the forty-year-old. It's been five years since her 81-year-old father fell for online romance scams. Five years that she's been putting out fires remotely and living to the rhythm of emails to monitor, bank statements to decode, and false promises to flush out.

"I check his emails every day to see if they're trying to contact him again."

Fanny*, 47 years old, daughter of a victim

to franceinfo

Her father, a former senior executive, lost more than €300,000 in fictitious relationships with women who didn't exist, she says. "It was the police who called me the first time. He was banned from banking, suspected of money laundering," explains Fanny. Electricity contract, identity document, bank details... He had sent photos of all these documents to his supposed partner, allowing the scammers to open several fraudulent accounts in his name at online banks. Her daughter filed a complaint in the summer of 2020 for identity theft.

Since then, she has tried to help him by confronting him. He denies it, dodges it, gets angry, and threatens to cut ties when she mentions guardianship. "For me, it's horrible. If he knew I had access to his emails, he wouldn't talk to me anymore." Fanny even considered recreating a harmless love story from scratch, offering to pay writers to send her father fake love emails. None of them accepted. So, she continues, alone, trying to anticipate the next relapse. "Sometimes, I find myself thinking: why is it my mother who died and not him? And I blame myself ," she whispers. "It's endless. I live with a sword of Damocles hanging over my head, wondering when he'll relapse."

Each of these stories is based on a well-oiled mechanism. Nathalie Granier, cyberpsychologist and behavioral analyst, first cites the "mirror effect": "The scammer takes the words, values, and ideas of the person opposite," she explains. Added to this mechanism is love-bombing , a strategy that consists of "drowning the victim in a flood of attention, compliments, and love ." Once "the spider has spun its web, " the emotional connection "will take precedence over factual inconsistencies," the specialist continues.

"We're in a state of emotional addiction. There are peaks of oxytocin, then a withdrawal. It's like a drug."

Nathalie Granier, cyberpsychologist

to franceinfo

According to her, personalities "who operate on emotional intensity" are more exposed to this type of scam. She cites in particular "those who have an anxious attachment, idealists, impulsive people, emotionally dependent people and empaths." But no one is safe . "I myself work on this 24/7 and I can get taken in!" Moreover, "withdrawal can be long, with relapses," warns the specialist. The victim will ramble, doubt, want to shut themselves away, until they "transform shame into lucidity" and, from there, "be able to rebuild their self-esteem."

Sometimes the path to reconstruction also involves the need for justice. But even walking through the door of a police station can be a real ordeal. "Victims leave police stations in tears," says Jocelyn Ziegler, a lawyer specializing in these scams . "Sometimes their complaints are rejected, which is illegal. They are sometimes asked inappropriate questions, which reinforces their guilt," he laments.

So, to spare its clients further violence, the firm drafts the complaints itself and sends them to the prosecutor's office. But even once this step is completed, the road ahead remains uncertain. "The criminal aspect has barely a 15 to 20% chance of success," warns the lawyer.

"We rarely recover money from scammers. Our main lever of action is the banks."

Jocelyn Ziegler, lawyer

to franceinfo

Because when a customer suddenly sends large sums of money abroad, their bank is supposed to contact them to have them sign a liability waiver. "If they don't do this, they can be sued for failing in their duty of care," points out Jocelyn Ziegler.

At the Anti-Cybercrime Office (Ofac), they are making small steps to try to find the identity of the scammers. "Once the complaint is filed, we request email accounts and IP addresses. But Twitter no longer responds to our requests, and VPNs often refuse to cooperate," explains one of the officials in this special unit.

"Cases are prioritized based on the loss: the higher the loss, the higher the case moves up in our pile."

A cyber investigator within OFAC

to franceinfo

In these cases, money is a valuable thread. "We follow financial flows, and that's often the most convincing thing. Sometimes it's in cryptocurrency, but it's still traceable," the specialist confides. These investigations, which take "months," cross jurisdictions and continents: scammers nest where authorities are absent or overwhelmed. "In Africa, scammers often target the 'run-of-the-mill'. In Israel, where cases are increasing in number, they target richer prey."

Especially since the scammers themselves continue to innovate. Their playing field is evolving, boosted by artificial intelligence (AI). Fake faces, synthetic voices, fictitious identities... AI offers them tailor-made weapons . Faced with it, the victims, already weakened, have only their common sense to defend themselves. "We're going to have to fact-check everything. The bigger it is, the more it passes," says the cyberinvestigator. And warns: "With deep-fakes , the phenomenon risks getting worse."

* The first name has been changed.